Kitschdesigns

It’s A Bittersweet Week

September 12, 2011 05:20 by ehouston

The weather is changing ever so slightly and the cooler mornings, with their crisp light have me longing to bundle up and welcome the rush of the holidays.  But, like any changing of the guard with the seasons there is that sadness that lingers.  I’m not ready for the long days of summer, no matter how stifling, to be over.  I wanted to see my little man take a few more romps in his kiddie pool, visit the park some more, meet dad for lunch after a round of golf.  I am unsure of how ready I am to greet what the next few months have to throw my way just yet.  Let’s face it, this time of year is like a blur.  It’s like a dream sequence in a movie where images of your life go flying by your head and you can’t do anything to slow it all down. 

Okay, time for the truth.  While everything I just wrote is absolutely true, my real reason for the funky mood is that I have to face this week knowing my Little Guy is taking his first big, no make that HUGE, step to independence.  I have been fighting back tears since the beginning of August, knowing that month marked the end of his second year and that he would be moving from baby, infant, toddler to child, little boy, kid, to just my son. 

OneMonth-EandL

(15 days old.)

I catch myself saying things like, “what baby?” when he calls my name and I realize…he’s not a baby any more. 

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(Halloween 2009)

I already miss him even though he’s right here.  I know every parent goes through times like this.  I guess it’s just that too much change is happening too fast right now. 

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(Mother’s Day 2010)

Today we visit his preschool class to see his teacher again and to meet his new classmates. 

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(Spring 2011)

Tomorrow he starts his journey in learning. 

Yeah, I know it’s only a couple of hours twice a week, but it already seems like a lifetime has passed and the clock is tick-tocking away at what little time is left. 

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(Summer 2011)

I am also afraid of my reaction to his big sad eyes when I drop him off tomorrow.  I know he is going to cry and I can’t blame him.  I remember being scared to death when I realized that I had to let my mom’s hand go and climb those steps in the big yellow bus all by myself.  I just hope that I don’t lose it too and that I have the strength to at least make it out of the parking lot before the tears come.  Things like this just get me in the gut.  My heart is aching, my stomach is sick and all along my head is telling me, “it’s okay.  He needs to do this.  You are doing the right thing.  He will always be your little guy no matter how much he grows.”  It’s a BIG change for him, but it’s mom that is just  not ready for it to happen.

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(Lake Michigan sunset, August 2011)

He will be fine.  Life will still go on.  You will get used to it.  And, he will end up falling even more in love with learning.  (what I am repeating in my head as the tears well up every few minutes.)

Time for more truths.  I am absolutely blessed to be in a position to have been able to stay by his side these first two years.  Not everyone gets to be there for every single milestone, word, step, or to read the same three books 8 times each in a row.  I have loved and adored every minute of it and would not give up a second of it for anything in the world.  In fact, I would relive it a thousand times over, even the gross and bad stuff, if I could. 

But, it’s time to get back to the here and now, buck up and begin to take in everything this new chapter has to offer.

Kitsch Krafts


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